It's been a little while since my last post. Mostly due to the fact that school has started and I'm bogged down with what seems like an encyclopedia's worth of reading to do. I am on mental and spiritual overload already and it's only the second week! It has been quite the spiritual roller coaster lately. Some days I hear God speaking to me clearly and feel the presence of the Holy Spirit all around! Other days it seems I'm continuously under attack or I feel completely cold. It has caused me to reach out, not only to God, but to those around me as well. It seems that my experience is not all that unique and that others who have been through it are more than willing to encourage me. I have been learning so much inside and outside of class.
I called this post "What Is the Truth" for a reason. I don't say it in the sense that I am doubting or having a crisis of faith. On the contrary, I have been asking myself how much of God I may be missing out on due to weak or immature faith. Jesus said that faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains and uproot trees on command. I started thinking "How literally could this be taken?" There seem to be so many conflicting messages on this subject that it's hard to ask for a miracle with much confidence of it actually happening. How do I realize the full extent of the Holy Spirit working in my life? As I think about my future on the mission field, I know I'm gonna need all the supernatural help I can get. How much will my doubt rob me of receiving? Are Christians only as powerful as I have seen or is there more?
I brought this up to Michelle this passed Sunday. I asked her how much God would work supernaturally through a believer if they only could get passed their doubt (or something to that effect). Peter could have walked on water, the Disciples could have healed the epileptic, ect... Later, in the Sunday evening service, the Pastor preached on that very topic. Today in chapel, the same topic was addressed again. We should be living with the expectation of miracles. God wants to be glorified through what He does through us when things seem impossible. Isnt' that precisely what He did through Gideon? I don't remember reading anywhere in the Bible that God would hold back from those seeking Him. I think I have a lot to learn and a long, hard road ahead but I intend to let God show me the FULL extent that he wants to work through me. It's going to be a maturing process (for which I'm long overdue) but I'm excited to see what the outcome will be. Feel free to comment on this. I want to hear what others think.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Big Day
Well, classes start tomorrow and I'm scrambling to make last minute preparations. I walked around the campus this morning with my schedule trying to find my classes so I'm not late due to being lost on the first day. I also bought a few CBC T-shirts with the money my mother gave me for my birthday to help identify me as a student. I love that they were only $5.00.
We had a meeting this morning to discuss basic dress code and rules of conduct while on the campus. I find that I seem to be the oldest male and possibly student in the freshman class. It really doesn't help that today is my birthday. It becomes a reminder that I just got a little older than everyone else. They need to invent a way to put birthdays on hold until life can catch up!! Thank God that everyone seems to think I look like I'm in my early to mid twenties.
As i said, today is my 31st birthday. As I thought about it, today is my birthday in more ways than one. Today, I start my life as a student in pursuit of God's plan for my life as well as acknowledge the day of my birth. Although Michelle seems sad that I won't have much opportunity to really celebrate it seeing as I have no close friends or any family within 700 miles, I told her that God has given me an entirely new life here and I couldn't ask for a better birthday present than that! I honestly don't think I would have been mature enough for this had I come right after high school. (I'm barely mature enough now!)
Finances are tight and jobs are hard to find. Michelle has suggested that I call my church family back home and ask for sponsors but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable doing that at my age. This becomes one of those tough times where it's hard to decide if this is a situation where I need to simply trust God to provide or lay down my pride and ask my brothers and sisters in Christ for help. I suppose I first have to decide if pride is the reason I don't want help. I honestly can't say right now. I only know that if I do find a job that will supply my needs, I will have to work a number of hours that will make school work very difficult. I ask anyone reading this to pray for me for wisdom in making decisions such as this. Feel free also to comment if you have any Godly advice or want to get in touch with me and I will give you my new phone number.
We had a meeting this morning to discuss basic dress code and rules of conduct while on the campus. I find that I seem to be the oldest male and possibly student in the freshman class. It really doesn't help that today is my birthday. It becomes a reminder that I just got a little older than everyone else. They need to invent a way to put birthdays on hold until life can catch up!! Thank God that everyone seems to think I look like I'm in my early to mid twenties.
As i said, today is my 31st birthday. As I thought about it, today is my birthday in more ways than one. Today, I start my life as a student in pursuit of God's plan for my life as well as acknowledge the day of my birth. Although Michelle seems sad that I won't have much opportunity to really celebrate it seeing as I have no close friends or any family within 700 miles, I told her that God has given me an entirely new life here and I couldn't ask for a better birthday present than that! I honestly don't think I would have been mature enough for this had I come right after high school. (I'm barely mature enough now!)
Finances are tight and jobs are hard to find. Michelle has suggested that I call my church family back home and ask for sponsors but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable doing that at my age. This becomes one of those tough times where it's hard to decide if this is a situation where I need to simply trust God to provide or lay down my pride and ask my brothers and sisters in Christ for help. I suppose I first have to decide if pride is the reason I don't want help. I honestly can't say right now. I only know that if I do find a job that will supply my needs, I will have to work a number of hours that will make school work very difficult. I ask anyone reading this to pray for me for wisdom in making decisions such as this. Feel free also to comment if you have any Godly advice or want to get in touch with me and I will give you my new phone number.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Looking Up
Well, I received some good news today. After much red tape and jumping through hoops, I found out that my full Pell grant was approved. This was a great help in a couple ways. First, it covered the remainder of my tuition not paid for by the loans. Second, it gave me the money I needed to get my books. Also, it came in just in time for me to beat the rush at the CBC bookstore. I was able to get the majority of my books used saving a great deal of money. Had I had to wait two more days until orientation, the campus as well as the bookstore would have been bombarded with new students. God's timing isn't always convenient but it is always perfect.
School starts next Tuesday, August 24, and I must say I'm very excited. It's Ironic that I get to start this phase of my life the day after my birthday (August 23). Michelle is a little bummed out that I will be too busy with orientation to really celebrate but I think that going to Bible College is the best b-day gift I could have asked for. I am a bit nervous going back to school at 31 years old but if I had waited any longer I would only have been older. Having waited too long to do something is the best reason to do it now and the worst excuse not to do it at all.
Confession time. I have to admit that when things were looking very bad for me, I heard many voices telling me discouraging things such as "Who do you think you are even trying this?" or "What did you think you were doing coming out here?" and "See!? You've failed again!" among others. I know that these voices were not of God but they are very hard to ignore. The only way to silence them was to hit my knees and tell God that He's all I have left. Surprise, surprise, surprise!! Turns out once again He's all I need! As God cares for the birds and adorns the flowers, I know He'll take care of my needs. I still expect tough times ahead but my faith grows with every obstacle He gets me through.
School starts next Tuesday, August 24, and I must say I'm very excited. It's Ironic that I get to start this phase of my life the day after my birthday (August 23). Michelle is a little bummed out that I will be too busy with orientation to really celebrate but I think that going to Bible College is the best b-day gift I could have asked for. I am a bit nervous going back to school at 31 years old but if I had waited any longer I would only have been older. Having waited too long to do something is the best reason to do it now and the worst excuse not to do it at all.
Confession time. I have to admit that when things were looking very bad for me, I heard many voices telling me discouraging things such as "Who do you think you are even trying this?" or "What did you think you were doing coming out here?" and "See!? You've failed again!" among others. I know that these voices were not of God but they are very hard to ignore. The only way to silence them was to hit my knees and tell God that He's all I have left. Surprise, surprise, surprise!! Turns out once again He's all I need! As God cares for the birds and adorns the flowers, I know He'll take care of my needs. I still expect tough times ahead but my faith grows with every obstacle He gets me through.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Getting Close
I am only a few days away from orientation. This is such an overwhelming experience that I wonder how anybody just out of highschool handles it. I should find out in a couple days about my Pell grant and then be able to get my books. It's a bit frustrating to think that I came down 2 months ago to get a head start on a job and school preparations and still getting things done at the last minute while job hunting. I thought going to Bible college would be an adventure but it's been quite an adventure already!
In the last two months I have had to repair my car multiple times, had to deal with financial aid, apply for jobs with no responses, ran out of money, had some health problems, and had to learn an entire new city. On the other hand, I got a great girlfriend, live in a conservative Christian city (which is quite a change), got a class A drivers license, found a church, met a lot of nice people, and got to see God work in my life multiple times. All in all it's been tough but I don't regret coming and I believe God will provide and sustain me here until he decides I need to go elsewhere.
Yesterday was a great day at church. Although I believe the Holy Spirit is always present, yesterday just seemed to be charged up. Also, there were 2 words that both seemed to apply directly to me. The first one said to set your anxiety aside and worship God. The second one said that He is in control and to trust Him with what stresses you. They called anybody with stress problems up to be prayed over and, of course, Michelle looked right at me. So we went up to the front and it was amazing. When am I gonna learn not to be surprised when people praying for me at the alter seem to know things they shouldn't? This lady was asking questions so specific that it was impossible to believe in coincidence. I came away with a much needed recharging.
Sometimes God waits till you lose everything if that's what it takes to get your attention. Although many of my hard times are the consequence of my own choices, I believe that God still uses them to grow my faith and mold me into what He has planned for my life. I can't fall passed the point that He can't pick me up.
In the last two months I have had to repair my car multiple times, had to deal with financial aid, apply for jobs with no responses, ran out of money, had some health problems, and had to learn an entire new city. On the other hand, I got a great girlfriend, live in a conservative Christian city (which is quite a change), got a class A drivers license, found a church, met a lot of nice people, and got to see God work in my life multiple times. All in all it's been tough but I don't regret coming and I believe God will provide and sustain me here until he decides I need to go elsewhere.
Yesterday was a great day at church. Although I believe the Holy Spirit is always present, yesterday just seemed to be charged up. Also, there were 2 words that both seemed to apply directly to me. The first one said to set your anxiety aside and worship God. The second one said that He is in control and to trust Him with what stresses you. They called anybody with stress problems up to be prayed over and, of course, Michelle looked right at me. So we went up to the front and it was amazing. When am I gonna learn not to be surprised when people praying for me at the alter seem to know things they shouldn't? This lady was asking questions so specific that it was impossible to believe in coincidence. I came away with a much needed recharging.
Sometimes God waits till you lose everything if that's what it takes to get your attention. Although many of my hard times are the consequence of my own choices, I believe that God still uses them to grow my faith and mold me into what He has planned for my life. I can't fall passed the point that He can't pick me up.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Harder Times
Today I probably faced my biggest challenge yet. I found out that my account was empty and I was being charged a ton of overdraft fees. I was with my girlfriend which made things worse. I was so humiliated to fail in front of someone I care so much for. After I got past the initial panic I hit my knees and prayed. Not long after that I started realizing my options. First I called my father to ask for help (which you can imagine I hated considerably). He agreed to loan me the money to get my account back to zero. Then I realized that I had rolled my 401k into an IRA. I made a few phone calls and will cash that in soon to get me back on track. Also, I am hoping and praying that my Pell grant goes through for school. That will take care of school expenses. Thank God for His provision!
This has been a very humbling experience and it is difficult for me to write about it but I feel compelled to do so in order to admit my failure and ask anybody reading this for prayer. I believe God will get me through this and I have no plans of giving up. As Gideon had to face tests to grow his faith, so will I.
I also want to thank God for an incredible girlfriend who did her very best to build me up and support when I felt at my very lowest. Instead of criticising me, she offered any help she could provide. I'm not a very easy person to deal with during a time of great stress but she stayed with me. She is wonderful woman of faith and she assures me that she is praying for me. I believe she is another of God's great provisions.
Please, if you're reading this, keep me in your prayers and do not hesitate send me a message or comment if you need me to do the same. God Bless.
This has been a very humbling experience and it is difficult for me to write about it but I feel compelled to do so in order to admit my failure and ask anybody reading this for prayer. I believe God will get me through this and I have no plans of giving up. As Gideon had to face tests to grow his faith, so will I.
I also want to thank God for an incredible girlfriend who did her very best to build me up and support when I felt at my very lowest. Instead of criticising me, she offered any help she could provide. I'm not a very easy person to deal with during a time of great stress but she stayed with me. She is wonderful woman of faith and she assures me that she is praying for me. I believe she is another of God's great provisions.
Please, if you're reading this, keep me in your prayers and do not hesitate send me a message or comment if you need me to do the same. God Bless.
8/14/10 Beginning
First, I would like to explain why I decided to call this blog Gideon's Faith. The book of Judges tells the story of Gideon, a man who was called from being the least of the least to being the leader of a nation. Along the way he has many struggles of faith but God grows and refines his faith through challenges, dreams, and even a wet fleece. All this was done before he sent Gideon into battle!
I have always identified with Gideon. Not because I think of myself as great, but because I always felt the least worthy and least likely to be called of God for anything. Over the past few years God has ripped me from all comfort zones and placed me in positions I would have never concieved possible for me. Now, here I am, 700 miles from anything and everything I have ever known with little more than faith to live on. It has been an incredible opportunity for me to see God's provision exactly when and where I needed it. It hasn't been easy and I don't expect it to get any easier but I trust God has a plan in it and will provide what I need to get through it as long as I lean on Him.
As I near the beginning of my freshman year at Central Bible College, it's hard not to let anxiety get the best of me. Money is short, jobs are few, and the future looks tough. However, I look forward to what God will do with me when the education I recieve combined with the faith that He is growing in me enables me to be a warrior for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I keep reminding myself "I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me". (Phillippians 4:13)
I have always identified with Gideon. Not because I think of myself as great, but because I always felt the least worthy and least likely to be called of God for anything. Over the past few years God has ripped me from all comfort zones and placed me in positions I would have never concieved possible for me. Now, here I am, 700 miles from anything and everything I have ever known with little more than faith to live on. It has been an incredible opportunity for me to see God's provision exactly when and where I needed it. It hasn't been easy and I don't expect it to get any easier but I trust God has a plan in it and will provide what I need to get through it as long as I lean on Him.
As I near the beginning of my freshman year at Central Bible College, it's hard not to let anxiety get the best of me. Money is short, jobs are few, and the future looks tough. However, I look forward to what God will do with me when the education I recieve combined with the faith that He is growing in me enables me to be a warrior for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I keep reminding myself "I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me". (Phillippians 4:13)
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